Showing Up with Heart Over Fear
I was playing golf in league game a few Mondays ago. To give a little context, it is a par 3 course and some people’s handicaps are over 20, including mine. This is not a competitive league. This is a have fun and get out and golf kind of league and all of the people have been very nice, so there is no reason to worry about others judging my game. However, my anxiety has gotten the best of me a few times in this league. It is a vicious cycle when I am stuck in my anxiety and golfing. I play worse and worse and then my anxiety grows and grows and, as a result, I play even worse. It doesn’t end up being very fun for any of us on the course.
We were playing with one other guy who was a decent golfer and had a strong and slightly rough personality. I was instantly on edge holding my breath and worrying. I started by golfing terribly. I got a 9 on the first hole, and I was upset that my anxiety was creating this unwanted outcome. On the walk to the second hole, luckily it is a bit of a walk, I knew I had to do something different. So, I had a little talk with myself. I told myself there was nothing I could do to control other's judgement, and I can only control my behavior. I took many deep breaths and told myself to show up with my heart instead of my fear. On the next hole, I was continuing this dialogue with myself and noticed two little maple tree helicopter seeds connected together on the ground in a perfect heart shape. Yep, thanks Universe, I needed that. I was on the right track. I ended up golfing pretty well that day and even better was the way I felt throughout and after the game.
I have continued to use this mantra pretty much everywhere I go now. When my anxiety starts to climb and I become filled with fear, it’s comforting to know that I can choose how I show up. I can choose my behavior and the energy I want to emanate. I can choose to show up and stand in my integrity instead of worrying about what others may or may not think of me.
When we overcome our belief of our lack of worthiness, learn to be our authentic selves, and understand how to stand in our integrity, we earn the freedom of choosing how we show up liberating us from our demons and past reactions.